Jaberwocky

Dreaming is not a crime, I dream to have a better grade of education to bring home someday. Next year is going to be a dream year to upgrade my knowledge, ability and pride. Since my preoccupation has not been all about studying, I am longing for it. I want to know how it would feel to taste the suspense and time management during the study time. I am too envy to seize all those things. Envying others who can reach the top with a bright star. But I am not tough enough to face all those things. Not long after applying for my prerequirement test, I am preoccupied by those suspense thing. Each day I have to learn the unthinkable materials that was a huge burden while the D-date is getting closer.

To me now, it’s just a gambling. I’ll do what I can do -though I know I can’t do it- and I surrender to God for what He already planned for me. If God willing, I have no power at all, I can pass this test.

It’s just like I’m giving up, the test material is too hard to conquer and then it is like running out of time.

The modern communication technologies is expected to build a better society. So far, better society belongs to the whealthy society where technologies are created to be a real problem solver or to be a media in a way of making our life better. Let’s say internet and weblog can be good examples of modern communication technologies. Internet as a powerful source of information will be helpful enough to build a better life as long as we do it in a positive way.

Weblog, some might say on the media, is a way of self admiration. Is it true? It could be true or false. It is true if the blogger show some indication of narcistic behavior explicitly or implicitly. Anybody can ask themself in the way they are blogging. It is false if this activity trigger some senses of creativity or exercise without the sense of showing off to the readers. To be true or not this statement makes me stop exercising my writing habit. This piece of writing was long neglected for more than two weeks till this holiday gives me a chance to go on writing.

However, stopping this thing makes me numb and lose my chance for my experimental writing. While this piece of writing will help me structuring my way of thinking. To structure the way of thinking is not easy and not merely by writing exrecise but some language will help us restructure the way of thinking. Not like this unstructured junk-piece of writing.

Yesterday was my fisrt time body-boarding in Alexandra beach - Sun Shine Coast. It was spectacular, I felt the wave under my body and my board. I dreamt to-at least-try surfing but what can I do. It was really fun swimming in the beach but with the body-board,  arrgh … it was like feeling on the peak. This was my most exciting experience. It seemed to be against all odd when a full-time mum with hijab doing this thing especially among my society which considered most of the water activity were a bit peculiar due to the clothing. But it doesn’t come to my concern if they slightly objected to what I did. I negotiate my look with a long-sleeve swimming tog and long legging with the swimming cap and google. I can see that they feel a bit reluctant to totally involve in the water. I know I am a woman with hijab but I don’t want my hijab to be a hinderence to swim or any positive healthy activities. I will do whatever I like as long as not against my religion law. I think the rule in Islam is not odd at all, it really depends on the society around us. In this case, it does not only the religion influencing their way of thinking but the strong factor is culture about viewing women. I write this since some of my friend’s look at me and some indirect comment about my body-boarding.

It was on the picnic activity yesterday organised by Indonesian Students. It was a long waited and nerve-racking time to wait for outing activity. How could I feel easy? In the week before we went, my daughter had a fever on Wednesyday while she kept asking when we were going to the beach. Everytime she opened her eyes, she always asked my "are we going to the beach today?" though she was not very well at all. I was a  bit frustrated and worried for not joining people to the beach. I tried to keep my daughter in bed and gave some medication on. Finally she had no fever on friday that could be a sign for to go. But the other worrying thing came up so suddenly. She had a tummy up-set during the morning and thank God she was okay in the afternoon by having some mum-made-traditional medication which was extraodinaryly fast.

Another nail-bitting situation was my weekend working time was really on suspensefull timing. I had to work from 5 a.m till 8 a.m. while the time to for the trip was 7.30 a.m. I was confident enough to mix-match my working and picnic timing. My working team usually finish at 7 or 7.15 at most. I expected that I could deal with it but the expectation wasn’t match with reality. Yesterday was totally different because the first and second showing of Harry Potter that made cinema was busy and a lot works to do. I worked as fast as I can to catch up the picnic bus. I was thinking and working hard enough to reach my planning. Suddenly, God help me by showing a $50 note appeared on one of cinema seat. I thought it could be a choclate wrapper but oh boy … it was a $50 note. I kept thinking what might help me. There is a rule in my job that if someone found the money in any amount that is yours. I asked my supervisor about the money and he just said I was lucky and it was for me. On the second thought, my watch showed me it was 7.15 meaning that I have to be as qiuck as possible. Snap … suddenly I had a briliant idea, I didn’t like taking the money then I gave it my supervisor as a thanking sign for being so nice letting me leave earlier than others though my friend would be irritated to know this  — and another worrying thing is my boss when she knows what I did. I hope my supervisor will cover me up, that’s the only hope. Othewise, something bad will happen to me. I finally managed to come home at 7.25 and had a change and a bit shower. In a very rush I went to catch up the bus. What … it wasn’t the end yet? another thing was my husband and daughter was still on the way with my friend who needed him as a driving licence holder as a companion for a driving licence learner. Everybody was waiting and slightly up set for waiting another two families. Phew … the bus went on, the up set people on the bus goes round and round - round and round - round and round, the up set people on the bus goes round and round - round and round - round and round. I’m sorry ….

See our pics on the trip

  This was in the Ginger factory and my Lara was in the doll collection in Bli Bli castle. But too bad we enjoyed too much in the beach till we didn’t have a pics at all.

Reading the Tuesday View in The Courier-Mail was a little bit intriguing and remainded me of my writing in the last second post. The title was Is it funny to be cruel? by Rosemary Sorensen. She wrote that laughing at ourselves had been an Australian characteristic which she was overly proud of. It most likely doesnot happend to my people in my culture. They tend to laugh at others rather than to themselves. It’s kind of coward ways of thinking.

To some extent, being funny is the best trick to get more and more friends we like. It is very acceptable and even likable for those who has a great sense of humor but the sense of humor is not about laughing others by putting down people among the people involved in the conversation. The more positive way is playing funny without humiliating. This is the pathetic way most people like to laugh at. But in her writing was about laughing at the funniest home video in Australia. This issue was becoming her concern because it day by day it can be acceptable and no longer be considered as a bad behaviour.

This type of behaviour is nourshing in my culture which is very sadly filling the conversation when the topic is absent. People would never complain about this bad bahaviour and if it happens to be a complain they say "it’s just a joke". "You’re geek and do not have a sense of humour" phrase is the best excuse for them to fightback when the jokes even really worst. Phatethicly, this excuse will be in the major part of the society then consequently those who is quite critical which is in a minor part would feel to be blamed as an indifferent person and easily irritated. And those who are not consistent enough in reconstructing the culture will fade away and finally follow the fade and join the bad crowd. So who is right and who is wrong? But I’m not sure it can be categorised as right or wrong.

I myself sometimes complaining though sometimes accidentally doing that kind of bad behaviour and in the end I think it over to regret. But regreting doesn’t change anything even if we talk about it, some refraining and helpless responds are shouted everywhere. Once I asked my friend whom I think she agreed with this idea but she was helpless as well and she find that this is our culture and we can not change it. How can we change a bad and stupid culture?