Jaberwocky

Gossip is a very bad thing that should be avoided but somehow inevitably lovable. It is regarded as unpleasant and antisocial conversation that might result a kind of destruction of indvidual’s reputations and even malicious. It happens  not only for celebrities but also people around us. Gossip becoming more intense when a certain group of people is a becoming a minority. In this case, we are  Indonesian people who live in Brisbane as part of a very tiny group society compare to multicultural society in Brisbane. In a group of the minority gossip spread very quickly that may be because the group can mostly be comfortable talking about their problems in their easiest language (native).

Apart from that, lets consider some different view about gossip. Gossip can be a mean where people keep in touch with their values among the community. People use language to gossip and language is used to negotiate social relationship which provides any ways to negociate social values. The values that we are talking are about behaving and misbehaving, acceptable and unacceptable attitude. It is involving a moral judgement that intriguing a communal shared set of values. When we are involved, we modify our own values and we place them into a context of other people’s value. We, then, are curious about other’s value by checking other’s opinion and interpretation to a certain point of discussion (gossip).

The bad side of gossiping (most part of the side is bad) is when the Grice’s (1975) set of rules about language is not fulfilled by the coversationalist.

• Quantity: provide as much information as the exchange requires             Do not provide Information than the exchange requires

• Relation: be relevant

• Quality: try to say what is true, don’t say what you believe to be false, don’t say anything you don’t have supporting evidence for
• Manner: be clear, avoid obscurity, avoid ambuguity, be brief, be orderly

Why gossip is associated to be a very bad things because conversationalists break this rule. Sometimes, coversatinalists never mean to give information than it is required to. By the slip of tongue, they add or modify information to make it more alive and may be fun without considering the consequencies. Or when they do it by accident, they are reluctant to fix the information they have already said. It mostly happens and results to mesleading information that finally ending with unpleasant information or ruining individual’s reputation. Being irrelevant to the topic being discussed will put another meaning and conversationalists tend to relate some irrelevant information without re-questioning. Relevancy as the second rule play an important role as well in developing gossip. The vital rule concerning gossip lies in the third rule. When conversationalists want to deliver information without enough supporting evidence and without being critical to the informtion they get. They do not have any "is it true?" statement when they consume the info. They are lazy to convince the truth about the story. It just Simon said … Simon said …Simon said …Simon said …. And every Simon can not be guaranted to give accurate information and follows the Grice’s rule of language. The last rule supporting the gossip language as well as gossip might be not clear, full of ambiguity and full of disorder.

It is inevitable to gossip even we are aware of it.

to be continued …

Additional qoutation for my previous post titled ‘Women and The Right to Speak’

"On every side speechless women endure endless hardship, grief and pain, in a world system that creates billions of losers for every handful of winners" (Germaine Greer, The whole women:p.3)

Comment: Why don’t we speak up our voice out loud?

Just a very single close case of another injustice towards women was when women then trully have a gut to speak and successfully expressing their own bright ideas, the men just never believe about their bright ideas and put a simple question mark whether or not its their ideas. Men to men questioning this thing with full of paternalistic mind frame would deny the ideas that was coming originally from hers with women’s point of view - or in any other way of half denying was telling that the idea was created together (men and women). But to be the truth the idea was coming from the women. Anyway, it might be the system that had created this way, the way to be a loser.

The more downtrodden women would be the women without enough education. So, when a technically uneducated women point out a certain ideas, every man or even the more educated woman themselves was indisbelieve and remain no comment. The assumption is uneducated women can only put something forward without any scientific base.

Now, to reach the education itself is part of the greatest effort.

Having recieved the result of IELTS, some great expectation suddenly bursting out from the deep of uncertainty. Feeling frustrated to wait for the result was officially natural. Out of the frustrated feeling, the proud feeling then around as a part of the prove that the brain was not really shrinked. The great expection for the future improvement was part of the preoccupation. But suddenly, looking at the date - time flies so fast - the appliction closing date was drawing near. It was only a week to go to the closing date while the process of the application would be about four or six weeks. The official said was the best possibilities was being accepted but would be late for the lecture about two weeks. The worst was being unaccepted and might go to the next smester. Next smester was impossible since the time was not perfect to study due to other duty as a wife.

To avoid the disillusionment, applying another program might be better. Anyhow, the story might be different. Another hinderance to study was the class program would be proceeded when the number of the student meet the requirement to do the program. Unfortunately, only a few applicant so far who has registered for the course.

Why is it so hard to move a little further?

It happened when a women wanted to point out their ideas the other peer women were just like ridiculing her and that prevent her to speak out her ideas. This thing was mostly happend within Indonesian-moslem women.

This poor attitude was mostly influenced by Indonesian culture that they think those who are willing to speak are arrogant, dominating and self-conceited. This attitude stupidify all generation especially among women.

It has been a kind of dogmatic* problem forever when the topic about the right of women emerge in my religion and culture; Islam and Indonesia. What are the people actually looking for? The truth, equality or abuse? Taking example of my last night usrah among muslim society in Brisbane. It has been quite exceptional in the history of this usrah to invite women as a speaker in the forum, only a few times during a year - could be once or twice.

The topic last night was about their sharing experience during their stay in Australia with their hijab. We can guess what it is all about - it’s the same old story. Most of the story were about all the question from non-moslem people. I think we should have a trick to create a backlash towards them, to make them understand wisely for example the hijab was actually liberating women in Islam. Some of the westerner’s view that ‘the more uncovered part of the body the more liberating’ is totally abusing women. Women are misled and cheated by the idea of men who want to abuse women by enjoying their uncovered body without hesitation. When women agreed upon the ideas then men was successful internalising his ideas to reach what they want. While in women in Islam is liberated by hijab - not having been enjoyed, taouched or harrased. Hijab is like a kind of protection against all men’s wicked intention towards women. This argument appears between moslem and non-moslem and between women and men.

However, in the internal part among moslem society [especially with Indonesian background], this issue was heartbreaking. This issue is dealing with confrontational ideas between men to women and between women to women. Take for example when women are pushed to be in back row [beyond the praying rules and its kind.] Women seems to be marginalised in terms for the right of speak, the right to have a little more space and there must be some more injustice for them. Another example, in the Eid’l Adha morning praying, the space for women in West End mosque was regrettable. It was very crowded even I myself stood in the edge of the stairwell and couldn’t even do the sujd in the last rakaah. It was disgracing, I couldn’t imagine how could they design this space for women.

Another marginalisation come from the women themselves. Some of them do not even feel that they are being marginalised. Part of the reasons are because they are not well informed and not critical enough. Between women and women are sometimes creating a condition to be marginalised like those who are apathetical (do not care about women’s right) or those who are fully influenced by the culture and accept it as it is, for instance when a woman come to fight for their right individually the peers seem to be ignorance or even do not show any supportive effort.

The next worst thing is not even fight for their right but at least the willingness to speak is very limited. It happened when a women wanted to point out their ideas the other peer women were just like ridiculing her and that prevent her to speak out her ideas. This thing was mostly happend within Indonesian-moslem women. Just my observation - If I take a look at any forum, most of the women are becoming a silent majority or even when one or two of them want to speak, the peers show their discouraging attitude to prevent their voice out loud. This poor attitude was mostly influenced by Indonesian culture that they think those who are willing to speak are arrogant, dominating and self-conceited. This attitude stupidify all generation especially among women. This stupid attitude pretty much come from the attitude of inferiority. Being inferior is a result from the limited knowledge and narrow minded. In the very close case, the non-student women in the group last night were even the worst among the issues.

[dogma; a: something held as an established opinion; especially : a definite authoritative tenet b : a code of such tenets <pedagogical dogma> c : a point of view or tenet put forth as authoritative without adequate grounds. 2 : a doctrine or body of doctrines concerning faith or morals formally stated and authoritatively proclaimed by a church]

This piece of inspirational writing was taken from the IISB Mailing list as an indirect response upon my provoking curiousness.

Pada hakikatnya, kita semua sedang berjalan menuju Tuhan. Ada beragam
jalan, metode maupun pengalaman berbeda yang kita alami dan rasakan.
Banyak yang sudah merasa sampai ke tujuan; namun banyak pula yang
terus menerus berputar-putar tak tentu arah, atau hanya berjalan di
tempat, atau boleh jadi berjalan tanpa tujuan dan kemudian hilang
tersesat di tengah perjalanan. Sutardji Calzoum Bachri menuliskan
kesaksiannya:

aku telah menemukan jejak
aku telah mencapai jalan
tapi belum sampai Tuhan

berapa banyak abad lewat
berapa banyak isyarat dapat
berapa banyak jejak menapak
agar sampai pada-Mu

Di bangku madrasah dulu (sekitar 20 tahun yang silam), saya menemukan
bacaan menarik yang disodorkan kawan saya. Untuk pertama kalinya saya
berkenalan degan literatur tasawuf. Saya yang dibesarkan dalam tradisi
fiqh tiba-tiba serasa mi’raj ke langit tujuh membaca kitab yang
bercerita ttg dunia akherat dan alam ghaib. Ketika saya ceritakan pada
ayahanda, beliau terkejut dan melarang saya membaca buku tsb. Beliau
lantas mencoba menarik saya kembai turun ke bumi, dan menyarankan saya
membaca buku karya Buya Hamka: Tasawuf Modern.

Alih-alih berjalan menuju Tuhan dengan segala konsep yang mengawang
dan sukar dicerna akal, lewat karyanya Buya Hamka mengajarkan saya
untuk berjalan menuju Tuhan dengan pendekatan akhlak. Saya beralih
dari tasawuf falsafi menuju tasawuf akhlaqi.

Tapi saya belum merasa sampai menuju Tuhan. Seiring perjalanan
pendidikan saya, saya kemudian kembali berkenalan dengan karya-karya
Maha Guru Tasawuf semisal Ibn Athaillah, Al-Ghazali, Ibn Arabi bahkan
saya membebaskan diri saya untuk turut membaca Thus Spake Zarathustra
                            karya Friedrich Nietzsche.

Saya belajar menyeimbangkan antara tasawuf yang berdimensi filsafat
dengan tasawuf yang berdimensi akhlak. Saya juga berusaha
menyeimbangkan antara fiqh dan tasawuf; antara pendekatan lahir dan
batin. Seolah-olah satu kaki menepak di bumi, dan kaki satu lagi
menjejak di akherat.

Keseimbangan langkah menuju Tuhan. Kerendahan hati menyadari
ke-Maha-an ilahi dan sekaligus pengendalian diri memanfaatkan potensi
akal yang diberikan-Nya.

Seperti dilukiskan oleh Tagore dalam bait-baitnya di bawah ini, Tuhan
tidak dapat didekati dengan kelancangan seolah-olah kita telah sampai
pada-Nya:

"dengan ujung terentang sayap nyanyiku, kusentuh Tapak Kaki-Mu, Yang
tak pernah kuharap terjangkau oleh tanganku."

Kerendahan hati ini begitu pentingnya dalam proses menuju Tuhan
sehingga Tagore pun bergumam:

"Kau sembunyikan diri-Mu dalam keagungan-Mu, Gustiku,
Butir pasir dan tetes embun lebih angkuh
tampil ketimbang Engkau."

Pada saat yang sama, aturan main yang kita kenal dengan syariat Islam
juga tidak boleh dilupakan. Imam Malik berkata:

"man tasawaffa wa lam yatafaqa faqad tazandaqa,
wa man tafaqaha wa lam yatasawaf faqad tafasaq,
wa man tasawaffa wa tafaqaha faqad tahaqaq."

[Barang siapa yang mempelajari Tasawuf tanpa Fiqih, dia adalah seorang
zindik, dan barang siapa yang mempelajari Fiqih tanpa Tasawuf, dia
adalah seorang yang fasik, dan barang siapa yang mempelajari Tasawuf
dan Fiqih, dia akan menemukan Kebenaran dan Realitas dalam Islam.]

Mereka yang anti tasawuf dan hanya mengandalkan aspek lahiriah
pemahaman mereka ttg Islam biasanya mereduksi ajaran Islam hanya dalam
dua pilihan: halal atau haram. Ini menyebabkan mereka gemar menghakimi
keyakinan orang lain. Sementara itu, kelompok tarekat, yang konon
meninggalkan syariat untk menggapai hakikat, seringkali asyik berenang
dalam lautan cinta ilahi dan melupakan kenyataan bahwa mereka masih
berada di dunia dan belum masuk kampung akherat. 

Memadukan dua hal yang berbeda dan seringkali bertolak belakang
bukanlah pekerjaan yang mudah. Namun bukan berarti mustahil. Contoh:
pengarang kitab al-Mizan al-Kubra, Imam Abdul Wahhab al-Sya’rani telah
berhasil memadukannya [note: kapan-kapan saya posting di sini mengenai
kitab al-Mizan al-Kubra ini, insya Allah].

Salah satu usaha untuk mewujudkan keseimbangan di atas, saya berusaha
memadukan antara dimensi fikr dan dzikr –dan belum sepenuhnya
berhasil. Saya ingin berjalan menuju Tuhan dengan sekaligus berzikir
dan berpikir.

Ali Imran ayat : 190-191

"Sesungguhnya dalam penciptaan langit dan bumi dan silih bergantinya
malam dan siang terdapat tanda-tanda bagi orang-orang yang berakal."

"(yaitu) orang-orang yang mengingat Allah [DZIKR] sambil berdiri atau
duduk atau dalam keadaan berbaring dan mereka memikirkan [FIKR]
tentang penciptaan langit dan bumi (seraya berkata) : Ya Tuhan kami,
tiadalah Engkau menciptakan ini dengan sia-sia. Maha Suci Engkau, maka
peliharalah kami dari siksa nereka."

Inilah ulul albab. Inilah idaman kita semua sbg kelompok terpelajar
dalam Islam. Inilah tanggung jawab kita selaku Muslim dan insan akademis.

Mungkin motto-nya spt ini:

berzikir itu nikmat; berpikir itu dahsyat

I’ve been totally dispiritedly run-down this new year’s forthnight. It seems all my failure future plan has been haunting me since the test - and most likely will last till friday when I impatiently can see what I have done. It was actually my fault for not wholeheartedly exercising and preparing the test. I was too wary due to some little trips during the end of year’s holiday while those time was ample enough and such a perfect time to be well-prepared. The temptation was too enticing till I was procrastinating myself. I was thinking that it had been all through the year of hardworks can be redeemed by those holidays trip. I remember almost everyday (during the holiday) I went out for any occasions. I try to recalled them from the first time the whole family and Bob’s went to Redcliffe  on saturday 24/12/05. During the trip we had fun time also in Toombool centro and spent the night together with Siti’s family. Both friends went home in the middle of the night. The next day, on the Chrismast day, I then opened up my exercise book to practice the test. Luckily lara was invited to Mufti’s for some waterplay that could make me had enough time to learn. However, learning for one day has never been enough because the next day I couldn’t open my book again. It was a Boxing day that nobody couldn’t resist for a big sale everywhere in Australia. Some families had a deal to go Harbour Town for the Big Sale hunting. The group of the families were the ones who had the trip to Wet and Wild about a week before (17/12/05). The boxing day was not only a shopping time for us but also spending some time in the Surfer Paradise for a wet plunge and releasing the body heat after shopping. We had a great time, I myself had a boogyboarding which was in the middle of it I lost my swimming cap due to the big wave. I had quite some fun though I had to change my clothes in the tent. It was funny to cahnge the clothe in the tent because the changing room was not close enough to the beach we were swimming. But anyway we coped it. Late in the night we arrived home save and sound. The next holiday planned after this was Australia Zoo which would be on Wednesday. Every member of the family most likely agreed upon the idea.

Without knowing what to do on Tuesday 27, in the morning, all of sudden a long-time-no-see friend called me that our friend was mourning due to the great loss of her mum that day. We were rush to see her. She used to be my best friend who had a little disagreement with me. When I saw her, she was totally blue. She mixed what she experienced that time with our past disagreement. She kept saying sorry and even too much apologies. She even said she was mean to me. But forgive and forget. I was so sorry to see her and soon she flew to our home country to - at least - ease her pain. During that week, it was so many things happened, mixed between some fun and sorrow.

The planned for Wednesday trip was cancelled because of some reasons and changed it to saturday. On Wednesday 28, I got a damn massage from my boss that I had to work the next day while I knew that the key was impossible to reach the keys since all the workers were away for two weeks holiday. Before I got the message from my boss, my friend asked me to go to an Island in between the mainland and the Straddie. What the hell? It was ruining all my plan and it absolutely made me uneasy. Then I comfort myself that it was okay - afterall my husband couldn’t go to due to his work as well. I decided not to go while actually I was not sure to work. I made up my mind by calling anyone I know to find out whether or not I had to work. Finally I my boss told me not to work and soon I called a friend that I would go only with my daughter. I drove my self for a long distance and some losts. We were four cars in a row and had several times U-turn because of misdirection. To cut the story short, we parked the car and arrived in Coochiemudlo Island, we took a ferry for $6 return from Victoria Point (Mainland) to the island. We visited a friend of friend who lived in the island. It was a new experience to visit such a small island (one or two hours walking going around the island). The host was very friendly and the food was yummy. Her house was gorgeous with some traditional Indonesian ornament. We had a good time until I was pushed to swimm on the muddy water. The water was not clear and undesireble to dive into. But as consequencies asking friends to swim I had to swim. It was my fisrt time swimming in the muddy water with some seaweed underneath. Feeling disgusted by the mud, I stop swimming but still I enjoyed the island as the view and land were so unique. I couldn’t believe that in Australia there was sort of place exactly like in my mother in law’s village in a remote place. However, it was an unforgetable experience and some of the reasons is that was my first time longest driving.

On friday 29, I showed mu husband a typical ‘home’ market in Brisbane where we could buy stuffs in bulky size. Then later in the afternoon, I went swimming in the Aquatic center UQ with Tari. I needed a friend whenever I go swimming for childcaring my daughter when I really swam and exercising. I could see Lara was brave enough to the water and started to learn to dive as she was encouraged by a friends’ kid who accidentally met there. Having a hobby for swimming, we went to the southbank for smimminng the day after when the fireworks’ new year’s eve would be held. We had a swim again and later in the afternoon we watched Narnia in Southbank cinema. We just realised that we hadn’t prayed for Duhr and Ashr but we still have anough time and prayed at home. We canceled watching the fire works that night. We were all tired and wary.

New Year time indicated the end-of-year holiday would finish soon. It did not bother me much like others with their New Years’ resolution. On 03/01/06, I should be back to work and another depressing thing was that the sign of my dissaster-the test. During a week holiday I really didn’t care about my test preparation. It was too good to be missed and it was too bad I missed my exercise and wasted my time as well. In the first week of 2006 I started my test preparation again for a very short-impossible peroid of time to prepare the test. In the weekend I did my test with some regrets and edgy and jumpy feelings. I don’t think I could get through it. Until now the feeling of aggrievation is still preoccupying my mind.

Likewise, this first fortnight of 2006 has been full of things to have a deep thought; the first two thursday I had a car problem, one with the carby and the other with the brake. On 05/01/06 for the second time I got in the RACQ towing truck for a car problem. Another thing happened in this first fortnight was the unbelievably jam-packed and crowded female Eid’l Adha prayers in West End Mosque. I wouldn’t have gone there if I knew it. The space for women was too small. Everyone was commpressed and nearly even no space for ruku’. I couldn’t imagine how could the idea come very uncritical by not considering women at all when they design the mosque. Was it what was taught in Islam? I couldn’t understand it. The prayer couldn’t be as solemn as I wished. Talking about women, there was another religious things - that I think - deserved to be written. This is the first time I saw some IISB female members crowding the Mushala and being active questioning and commenting the topic. It was a good sign but I don’t know whether it was just because the hot-provoking topic or it could be because some new members just arrived.

The last, not to forget the financial report that this first fortnight of 2006 I spent some big amount of money for emergency, charity, study and a winter holiday this year. It has been a big momentum in this transitional period between 2005 and 2006 [the last fortnight 2005 and the first fortnight 2006]. Next in the near future, the result will soon be announced and see what happen? Continuing with the big expenses or else …. What ever will be, will be.